During my teacher training, we had to spend a month practicing the yamas and niyamas. The yamas and niyamas, for those of you who don’t know, are the guidelines for being a good person that were written in the Yoga Sutras. They’re sort of like the Ten Commandments, but no one goes to hell in the end.

Ishvara Pranidhana is the heavy-weight of the niyamas. It signifies surrender; specifically, the surrendering of the ego to a higher power. Ishvara Pranidhana is when we stop fighting life and let it happen. We stop doing long enough to receive. We are all just molecules bumping into each other. Ishvara Pranidhana has been unavoidable to me lately.

I’ve had ten interviews since September for a ‘real’ job. The 9-5, pay the bills, rat race ‘real’ job. The interviews have been in-depth, requiring examples of excel budgets, questionnaires, pretend email responses, meeting teams of people, and tests. I’ve been runner up for every single one of these positions. This morning, I got my tenth “We love her. We would hire her if we could take on two people. We just like this other person better.” It’s not you, it’s me.

I feel like I’m on the company bachelorette being handed a “Thanks for Playing” card instead of the rose, leaving me to sob, “WHHHHYYYYYY” in some pretty dress on a beach. Except I am not nearly as glamours because I would probably be sun burnt instead of tan and I’m not a pretty crier. So I would be a blotchy, peeling, freckled bachelorette having convulsions in the sand while I ask about the best newspaper to cut coupons.

But I digress.

Ishvara Pranidhana is me surrendering to this nonsense. I’m not apathetic. I am disappointed that I was runner-up again. But I’m not dwelling on my imperfections or over-analyzing what I could have done differently. We’re molecules bumping into each other and I just didn’t have the right charge. I can move on with my day (one sympathy brownie later) with a feeling that something will work out…eventually…someday…hopefully…after one more brownie.

P.S. Good news! The calendar is fixed again!