Mercury is in retrograde. Or so they tell me.

“They” are the  New Age-y cool cats who come into the studio. I usually just nod my head to affirm that Mercury is totally being a bitch right now and make a mental note to google what it means later. Today, I actually remembered.

In the world of science, Earth is rotating faster than Mercury, which creates the optical illusion that Mercury is spinning in the opposite direction–or in retrograde.

In the world of new-age star gazers, Mercury in retrograde is the equivalent of the universe’s PMS.

Mercury is the communication planet, with strong ties in clear thinking, truth,  and travel. As one can imagine then, the retrograde of these functions leads to confusion, arguments, computer problems, canceled flights, and unfinished next best novels.

Everything is slower and things often don’t go as planned leading to high emotions and frustration followed by the desire to hide under blankets to binge-watch Netflix.

But Mercury has a silver lining.

In the retrograde, it is important to use the slow pace to its advantage by reaching out to old friends/lovers, finish old projects, and start a Fortune 500 company.

To me, this is the opposite of what I would do. If communication is wonky, why would I try to patch things up with an ex? Doesn’t that seem like the worst possible timing? And how can I finish my masterful novel if my computer isn’t working? Or make a huge business decision when any decision at this time is like brushing your hair in a wind storm?

It would appear that we are all doomed.

If you are curious on how to prepare yourself for the end of this retrograde and the upcoming ones, you can go here to match your horoscope to your professional action plan.

Or, here is my two point survival plan in a Mercury retrograde:

1. Don’t believe Mercury has any affect over your life

2. If step 1 proves false, hide in bed with Netflix until it’s over.

3. Watch this when you’ve exhausted new Downton Abbey episodes.

The best of luck to you all in this trying time.