Since the buzzfeed posting on twenty ludicrous things yoga teachers say, I’ve been extra aware of what I am saying in class. (Also, I was slightly relieved that I have only said about a quarter of such visualizations and also slightly embarrassed when I caught myself thinking “but ‘juice your spine’ makes complete sense…”)

Cut to yoga teachers nodding sadly. Aaanndd scene.

When I was teaching yesterday, I yoga-ismed. Hard. We were using a block in setubhandasana and since the muscular work was removed, the focus was full pranayam. I was trying to get my students to breath with their bellies, not just their chests. I said (normal) things like “make the waistband of your pants expand” and “let your belly balloon out”. No dice.

So then I told my class to “impregnate yourself with your breath”. Strange, right? I knew it was a peculiar thing to say as I was saying it. I had one of those split-body moments and my mouth was all “Brain, seriously? THAT’S what you’re coming up with right now? I want what you’re on…”

But it worked.

Third-trimester bellies started popping up all over the room.

So here is my retort to buzzfeed: We yoga teachers are allowed to say weird shit because it works. A NASA engineer is allowed to have bad table manners because he or she has put a rover on mars just as a yoga teacher is allowed to say weird creative things because the metaphors and visualizations take the students…out of this world. (Insert groan at pun here_____).

But seriously, that was deep. I’m basically a yoga poet.